Monday dawned with a welcoming golden sun. In a tastefully furnished apartment in Gurgaon, Siya got up and attended to her daily chores. After dropping her young son to the school, she set off for her office.
The early morning air was crisp and breezy and she was glad she had opted for a long-sleeved turtle neck sweater under her jacket. When she reached her office, it was abuzz with he talks of the ‘new boss’ who was arriving today. Avoiding the gossip, Siya went directly to her cabin and asked for some fresh coffee as she dug into her laptop.
Even in her mid-thirties, Siya looked no older than a college girl. There were plenty of men who had a special smile for the slim, tall and fair woman with her thick head of lustrous brown hair, her dark intense eyes and sharp brains.
But Siya mostly kept to herself and never allowed anyone to come too close to her. There were rumors among her colleagues that she was a divorcee, and many of her male colleagues considered that a jackpot.
The ‘new boss’ had arrived and they were all in the reception area holding bouquets for his welcome.
Siya recognized Aditya almost immediately. The shock of seeing him here, after so many years, that too as her boss was so great, almost physical, that she almost fell back. Somehow she managed to mingle with the crowd and avoided direct contact with him.
At lunch, Siya gave in an application for half-days’ leave. Instead of going home, she walked to the nearby central park. She sat down on the green grass, basking in the warm rays of the sun hoping to find some relief, but she found only profound sadness in observing the beautiful flowers, young couples holding hands, and children running about.
As she walked towards her son’s school, she found herself wishing the fruitless “if-onlys”.
If only she hadn’t married Raj!
If only she and Adi had got married!
If only…..
But as she reached Manav’s school and saw the joy on his face on unexpectedly seeing his mother, she at once repented her negative thoughts.
If I hadn’t married Vishal, she thought, I would never have had Manav. He’s the only good thing I got out of that marriage.
Next day at the office, Siya was called in by Adi to discuss the new project. Adi hadn’t changed. He still retained his boyish looks and that easy, laidback charm that attracted people to him. Although taken aback, Adi managed a smile. “How are you, Ms.Sharma?”, he asked and she noticed how heavy his voice was. It was the first time he had called her like that, she noticed sadly.
“I’m good, Mr.Aditya Kumar”, she replied in an icy tone.
It’s the first time she has called me that, thought Aditya sadly. I was always Adi for her. She must be calling her husband by some nick-name now.
Later when Siya walked out of his room, Adiya noted with a tinge of nostalgia that Siya hadn’t changed a bit. She was still intelligent and articulate and lovely-looking, but the sadness in her eyes had not escaped him. “I wonder why”, he thought.
The days went by. Try as she might, Siya could not avoid Adi as he was her project head. Though she tried to appear calm and composed, facing Adi everyday was no less than an ordeal for her. After coming out of his room, she would rush to her cabin breathless and with a beating heart.
One moment she hated Adi for having left her alone, but the next moment she remembered that it was their joint decision to separate and not Adi’s fault that they had to part. Then again, she blamed Adi for the…the mess that had become of her life.
Her frustration showed in her behavior towards Adi, and most of the staff just could not fathom why Siya was so rude and unpleasant to the boss with such a friendly, open manner and warm, charming personality.
That day Siya had been especially rude to him at work. She had argued unnecessarily with him over some trivial issue and walked out of the meeting.
At night while lying in her bed next to Manav, she felt spent and exhausted. She felt that she couldn’t fight with her destiny anymore.
Tired as she was, sleep just wouldn’t come to her she remembered the years spent with Adi. They had met in Australia
“We shared some good times together”, she thought. “He was always fun. We enjoyed the same things, and we loved each other so. Oh, why did I let him go?”
Their parents had met and approved of the match. Everything was just perfect. And then….
Siya remembered that fateful day vividly. Adi’s uncle had arrived from their ancestral village and had insisted on a horoscope match. ”It’s a mere formality”, Adi’s mother had assured her,”We can’t ignore uncle’s request”.
And then it had started- The forecast of the astrologer, the ominous warning that their marriage would endanger Adi’s life.
Their first reaction had been to laugh it off. But the seed of doubt had been sown. Adi’s mother had consulted several other astrologers and the result was the same- that Siya would spell death for Adi!
Adi was livid, and would not listen to his parents, who begged him to reconsider his decision.”I don’t believe in this hocus-pocus”, he told them with an air of finality, “it’s my life and I’ll decide what to do with it. I don’t want to share it with anyone other than Siya”
“I don’t want to share it with anyone other than Siya”- the words still rang in her ears as she lay reminiscing.
Soon after, they had got engaged. The trouble started when Adi got badly injured in a major accident the next day. He was kept in ICU for ten days. That was the time, when she saw Adi dangling between life and death, that she finally made The Decision! The decision which changed the course of her life.
Adi begged and pleaded with her, but Siya was steadfast. No, she could not endanger Adi’s life. She would sacrifice her love for his life.
She moved away to the States to be as far away from Adi as possible. But she could never run away from his thoughts….
“I’m still running”, thought Siya with a sigh, and remembered how Raj had entered her life.
Working in the US, trying unsuccessfully to run away from her past, Siya was an emotional wreck. It was around this time that the handsome, suave Raj, her co-worker; fell head over heels in love with her. The fact that Siya was aloof to him and did not heed his advances made him pursue her even more. She was like a prize to him, and he, like an adamant child was used to getting what he wanted. Sometimes Siya felt herself weakening and succumbing to his charm, but she knew there was no love left in her to give to Raj.
The day siya heard about Adi’s engagement from her mother was the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Siya went mad with rage and jealousy. How could have Adi forgotten her just like that?
It was with these feelings in heart that she said ‘yes’ to Raj’s proposal of marriage.
It was not long after that Siya realized the full repercussions of the blunder she had committed. Her marriage to Raj was a Big Mistake. Subconsciously, she kept comparing him to Adi and got disillusioned every time. As for Raj, his interest in Siya started waning almost as soon as they got married. He had got his precious prize. After one year, Siya decided that she could not live this pseudo-life anymore. It was no good pretending to herself to be in love with Raj when she wasn’t. But fate had other things in store for her. A visit to the gynecologist confirmed her worst fears. She was pregnant with Manav. Siya decided to give another chance to her marriage for the sake of her unborn child. “I owe you this much”, she thought, patting her stomach.
Raj was a Casanova at heart. Even the child could not bind him at home. He partied hard every night and came home in the wee hours of the morning. The day finally arrived when Raj did not come home at all. He had gone away to live with someone else. In a sense, Siya was relieved. Manav was all that mattered in her life now. Her roots beckoned her. She left for India to start a new life with Manav.
But the past had slowly crept up, and had finally come face to face with her in the form of Adi. Where could she run away now?
It was the day of the final submission of the project and she had worked late. She looked at her watch and started. It was really late; she had not realized the time.
As she rose to go, she bumped into Adi at the doorway. Poising herself, she said good night to Adi. “Come on, I’m going to drop you home”, he said, leading the way. ”No use refusing, Siya, no way am I going to let you go home alone at this unearthly hour”, he said as she opened her mouth to protest. They drove home in silence, which was somehow more comforting than words. ”Won’t you come inside”, she asked him, a mere formality. To her surprise, Adi readily agreed and followed her to the lift.
Inside, Manav was still up and waiting for her with their trusted maid, Savitri.
“I’ll just go and put Manav to sleep”, she said to Adi, as Adi sat down on the couch.
Once alone, Aditya looked around the room. It was a room very typical of it’s owner. It was large, tidy and artistically decorated. It had big, comfortable sofas you could sink into. There was a vase of fresh flowers in one corner. There were some good paintings on the walls, but his attention was caught by the family portraits. He smiled, recognizing Siya’s childhood picture. He also recognized her parents. They had loved him so much, he remembered with a pang. Next came a whole lot of photos of Manav- newborn Manav, Manav with Siya, Manav going to school… But no picture of Manav’s father?
“Isn’t Manav’s father at home?”, he asked the maid as she served him coffee. “Oh no, sir”, said Savitri,” Madam has been living here alone for the past five years”
It was as if a heavy blow had fallen on Aditya. Siya- a single mother! But why? How?
It was in that agitated state of mind that Siya found Aditya staring at the stars in the terrace. “So you know now”, she said quietly. “Yes, but why didn’t you tell me Siya?
“What use would have it been Adi? The past is over and done with. It can’t come back.”
“I’ll make it come back”, said Aditya.
“But Adi, you can’t do this- your wife, children….”
“What are you talking about Siya? I’m not married!”
“But", Siya stammered, “what about Jyoti?”
“Yes, I had got engaged to Jyoti under my parents’ pressure, but I called off the engagement a week later. I realized I would not be able to do justice to that relationship.”
“Oh Adi, I wish I too had realized that in time, then I would not have made such a big mistake”, whispered Siya with tears in her eyes.
“You have more than paid for your mistake Siya, I am to blame for what happened. I should never have let you go”, said Adi holding her tight as if he would never let her go away again.
